South to North Pole

Today we flew from Barrow down to Fairbanks and were transformed from a barren, cold, windy tundra into what appeared to be legitimate summer weather. The temps almost reached 80! It only seemed appropriate that our hotel was in a town just east of Fairbanks called North Pole. Everything is Christmas-themed. The streets are named things like Santa Claus Lane or St Nicholas Street. Business marquees are held up by giant candy canes. For further ridiculousness, let me describe our hotel room.

Yep. I don't know what else to say about this room that isn't said in this picture. Nicole was very excited about it, but I was slightly uncomfortable. She had to reassure me that a fat man dressed like Santa wouldn't visit us during the middle of the night. Just a few blocks away was the Santa Shop, a christmas store open year round where there was an actual Santa talking to children, christmas music was playing, and one could buy anything christmas they might ever want. Retired Dickens Village buildings? Check. Santa statue dressed as camouflaged hunter with a rifle? Check.

We went back into Fairbanks to experience nature. We found a small walking trail area next to a car museum of all places. We took about 10 paces and were swarmed by mosquitoes. We made a hasty retreat to a Walgreens to get some bug spray, put on long sleeved shirts, and gave it another go. It was a basic trail that went to a small lake and through some woods, but it was peaceful. Shortly after we parked our car in the lot, a man walked by giving us the hairy eye. Not sure why. I noticed a pistol tucked in the back of his pants. And I get that it's Alaska, but does one really need a firearm in a car museum?

Again. It's a culture I simply do not understand. I do not intend to get political, but the "good guy with a gun can prevent bad guy with gun from doing bad things" argument is a bit weak to me. I for one, would not feel safe going into the car museum with the man with the pistol in his trousers who gave us the hairy eye. I know nothing about this man. Is he angry about something? Does he often encounter bears? Is he in the witness protection program? While trouser pistol man may feel safe, the people around him do not. And that is my two cents.

Whilst driving around Fairbanks, we discovered some ancient relics. For one, we saw two different Blockbuster video stores. Did they not go out of business years ago? People on the bike trail were dressed in workout attire like it was 1988. There is only one explanation for all this. The 737 we flew from Barrow to Fairbanks was actually a tardis-like time machine that transported us to a world that is pre-2016. It is the only explanation. For dinner we ate by the Chena River. I had tacos because nothing says Alaska like tacos. We returned to North Pole where I was relieved that a fat man was not hiding in the closet of our room and called it a night.